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- The Ostrich
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.' The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.' Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress. 'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man. 'Same,' says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.' Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?' 'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.' 'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!' 'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.. The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?' The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'
- Upcoming: Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Greg Hahn, Tommy Johnagin, Tim Wilson, Nick Griffin
- The Waiter and the Spoon
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'' 'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.' As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?' 'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%. I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?' 'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
- The Medical Checkup
A middle aged man goes into the doctor's office for a check-up with a litany of complaints. The doctor speaks to the man’s wife alone and says, "There is nothing the matter with your husband. If you make a couple of meals for him a day, let him watch his sports. Do not complain at him too much and require him to listen. Limit his exposure to in-laws and make love to him once a week. Then, he’ll probably live another 20 years." She returns to her husband’s side in the waiting room. He asks, "What did the doctor tell you?""You are going to be dying soon, my dear."
- Monday, February 8, 2010
Greg Hahn, Tim Wilson, Nick Griffin, Tommy Johnagin
Music & Entertainment News
- Super Bowl 44 In The History Books: Perhaps The Who Should Follow
My objectivity concerning this story will surely be questioned by fans of The Who, however, where that group is concerned, I’ve always considered myself more neutral than not. I’ve never considered myself a fan. They’re music just never did anything for me, so I pretty much ignored them. Still, there’s no way to be unfamiliar with [...]Source: Real Rock NewsSuper Bowl 44 In The History Books: Perhaps The Who Should Follow
- Rush Making Preparations For Next Project (They Mean It This Time!)
As we reported towards the end of last year, Rush had planned to get together in Los Angeles to begin planning their next project. Apparently, that meeting may not have come to fruition. According to the latest from Neil Peart, the group is on the verge of gathering to begin the serious work of writing [...]Source: Real Rock NewsRush Making Preparations For Next Project (They Mean It This Time!)
- Chris Squire on Yes – Past, Present and Future
As the only member of progressive rock group Yes who has remained on the roster throughout the group’s enduring history, Chris Squire is the go-to guy if one wants to learn about their history, evolution and influences. Those are exactly the kinds of things Squire talked over recently with Kevin O’Hare of MassLive.com. It’s actually quite [...]Source: Real Rock NewsChris Squire on Yes – Past, Present and Future
- Scorpions Set to End Career on a High Note
At first I thought he was nuts. In the days of my youth back in the early 1980’s, I had a friend who introduced me to a rock band from Germany called Scorpions. First I’m thinking “A rock band from Germany?” It just didn’t make sense to me at the time. Everyone knew all of [...]Source: Real Rock NewsScorpions Set to End Career on a High Note
- No End in Sight For Aerosmith Drama
With each passing day, the future of Aerosmith seems more uncertain. This rollercoaster ride for fans of the Bean Town rockers seems to have started when Steven Tyler took that much-publicized tumble from the stage during the group’s summer tour with ZZ Top. Surely there had to be a lot going on behind the scenes well [...]Source: Real Rock NewsNo End in Sight For Aerosmith Drama
- Med Board Goes After Murray with a Vengeance
Filed under: Celebrity Justice, Michael Jackson Dr. Conrad Murray is a "danger to the public" -- according to the medical board that licensed him to practice medicine in California.The Medical Board of California was shut down today by the judge in Murray's involuntary manslaughter case. The Board ...Permalink
- Conrad Murray Pleads Not Guilty in Jackson Case
Filed under: Celebrity Justice, Michael Jackson Dr. Conrad Murray was arraigned today and pled not guilty to involuntary manslaughter charges in the death of Michael Jackson. He was taken into custody for booking and bail was set at $75,000.Jackson's parents and several of his siblings were front ...Permalink
- Dr. Conrad Murray -- Booked
Filed under: Celebrity Justice, Michael Jackson Take a look at the L.A. County Sheriff's official website -- it shows that Dr. Conrad Murray was officially booked moments ago at 2:38 PM PST. The Doc is no small potato -- dude was listed at 6'5" and 220 lbs. We're told the bail bondsman has already ...Permalink
- Judge to Doc Murray: Don't Sedate ANYONE!
Filed under: Michael Jackson There are strings attached to Dr. Conrad Murray's bail -- namely, he's not allowed to sedate people like he did Michael Jackson. The judge just told Murray, "I do not want you sedating people."As we previously reported, Murray was ordered released on ...Permalink
- Charlie Sheen Officially Charged
Filed under: Celebrity Justice, Charlie Sheen, Brooke Mueller Charlie Sheen was officially charged with three crimes today in court in Aspen, Colorado: felony menacing, misdemeanor 3rd degree assault and misdemeanor criminal mischief -- but Charlie did not enter a plea.Sheen and his wife Brooke Mueller were at ...Permalink